Haremization
by Ultimagu
Summary: Harry is introduced to the world of anime! A madman's style!
1. Harry's Introduction

**AN: ****I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**

******Review Commentaries:**

**spedclass: **I plan to continue updating, thanks for the reviews!******  
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**the DragonBard: **I do not recall if I included Shinji later on or not. I'm making edits chapter per chapter, so bear with me here. Hopefully you'll enjoy the story again after the edits.**  
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**(Story)**

If there was one thing one Mr. Harry Potter did not like, it was being the center of attention. So when he had grabbed his usual goblet of pumpkin juice, he had expected with some semblance of reasonable logic that he would, within seconds, receive the cool taste of its' sweet liquid upon his tongue and feel it wash down his gullet. Instead, he felt a draft running between his legs.

He was rather perplexed when he could feel the rough woodwork of the table more definitively than he could remember. It felt as if he could feel every single grain and ridge of the seat he was sitting on. In his normal day to day experience at Hogwarts, that had never happened. It was always a roughness hidden behind his pants.

Another oddity he noticed which perplexed him was that as he tried to make sense of these things, there was an eerie quietness to the Great Hall which he also could not remember being there before now. It seemed so still he couldn't make sense of it. What was even more odd, was that when he looked up, Hermione seemed to be flushing this bright Weasley red from her cheeks to her ears, she was burning a deep red.

And there, beside Hermione, for some reason Ron had a bit of blood dripping from his nose. A glaze to his eyes. That look reminded Harry of Voldemort so much it sent shivers down his spine. It looked like when Voldemort found Bellatrix alone with Nagini in his nightmares. Well, it was either the look or the hot breath on his neck.

Craning his neck around Harry looked to see who was breathing on him, invading his personal space so much. The bright red Weasley hair was all he could see at first, before from behind the curtain Ginny's face emerged. If Hermione or Ron's reaction to whatever had been odd, Ginny's looked downright bizarre to Harry. Her eyes were very, unnaturally wide. There was a redness across her cheeks, and for some reason her Hogwarts uniform seemed to be so much skimpier than normal. The Hogwarts skirt wasn't supposed to be high up was it?

Standing ever so slowly, Harry prepared to make a run for it. H was unaware of the gigantic sweat drop on his forehead. He was also unaware of his complete nudity, not to mention utterly unaware of the futility of his hopes to escape whatever had happened once he reached for his goblet. It was the price of poison after all.

As if time had found its' pace again, Harry made his run for it. Dashing past the towering Ginny behind him, he felt the sharp smack of her hand on his rump. Not bothering to let it bother him for the moment, Harry made seemingly impossible jumps, dives, and sliding halts all around the Great Hall as all the women, and gay men, ran after him. He never wanted to think of how Dean pushed others aside to flash him.

From the rafters several men sat and watched in merry amusement. One, a rather ordinary Japanese face, black hair that came in a slight ponytail, and priest's white robes, worried for the poor boy. It was difficult having women chase you everywhere, as you did everything. He spotted a few of the British girls who reminded him of his six loves. He actually spotted a regal purple haired looking girl with long pigtails running down to her feet and he actually hid behind another. No Need to be Spotted!

The boy he hid behind didn't exactly look like a boy at the moment. In fact, with red hair and a long pigtail, not to mention great melons unbound, would convince anyone that this 'boy' was indeed a girl. After a few questions, the subject wasn't touched on much. Not with a style like Anything Goes. The 'boy' who was a girl at the moment snorted at the less adventurous man. Of course he suffered from the same disease. All powerful except when it came to his wives. He felt bad for the boy behind him sometimes, he had to deal with six wives, rather than five.

Sitting beside the two a boy with brown hair and glasses sighed. Those two were always at it in some way. The cowardly one who had beautiful alien wives. The rambunctious one who had martial artists for wives. Well, three martial artists, one con-artist, and a kitchen artist. He on the other hand had seven wives to deal with, from his first wife in the orange haired love of his life, to the little brown skinned, white haired girl. He nearly fell off the rafters as he imagined all of his wives naked on their wedding night. He was brought out of his reminiscing as he heard loud crashes below. He nearly fell off again and he was ever so grateful for the boy next to him for catching him. It wouldn't help to interrupt the Initial Chase when the process had already begun.

There were seven of the next man, sitting all side by side, to each enjoy the sight of someone else being chased around. He himself had too many wives to count anymore. There was the blond in the purple suit, and the pink haired girl with green eyes. There was the tall woman in the mesh suit and the red haired girl from another village. There were like, three princesses he was married to, and his own ba-chan. Yeah...too many to count. All seven of him felt a headache coming on. Running a hand through the bright sunshine yellow hair, his blue eyes followed with a great mischievousness. How fun this was. He felt seven pairs of hands cover his mouth as his best friend stopped him from screaming, "YOSH!"

It was the least unlikely candidate to interrupt the moment. A man in green, without his bright blue wife, he was perhaps the luckiest amongst all the men. He only had four wives. Unsheathing his blue hilt sword, he screamed out, "YAGH!"

As if it were the easiest thing alive, everyone stopped. The men on top of the rafters stopped in their horse play, and the women down their in the Great Hall stopped chasing around a poor, slightly worse for wear Harry Potter, still naked as the day he was born. Even the butterflies chasing Harry had stopped to hover in the air.

Naruto stood there for all to bear witness to his great words. As Hokage he had to have something great to say, right? There, in front of everyone, he turned around and dropped his pants, revealing his shiny behind to everyone. It had the effect Naruto had desired as the Number One Surprising Ninja, everyone was temporarily blind but Harry, ho took his opportunity to run out of the front doors.

Tenchi burrowed his head into Ranma's shirt further, crying at the sight. Keitaro took the opportunity to cry with Sasuke, while Link just rolled his eyes and tried to keep from falling off the rafters. Naruto just laughed and laughed giving the peace sign, "Take that fools! Naruto strikes again!" His only answer was a pink haired woman's frying pan to the back of his head. Naruto had no idea how she managed to know when he was misbehaving.

Meanwhile Harry just prayed to whatever God was helping him, though we know they're laughing at him at this point, as he looked for a new place to hide. He was still unaware he'd been inducted into a madman's scheme to haremize the entire multiverse.

**(Story)**

**AN: May 4th, 2011: And there we have it! I have finally begun making edits to _Haremization_! I hope you enjoy! Please review!  
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	2. 5th Meeting of HPS

**AN: ********I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**  


**(Story)**

Harry James Potter was streaking. Not only was he streaking, but far behind him he could hear the sound of his followers. It was as he was running down a corridor on the sixth floor, that a long leather arm came out, pulling him into the shadows. He struggled only initially till he got a look at who had caught him.

Harry's eyes twitched at the impossibly blond hair standing straight up like a fountain frozen in motion. And the ceaseless red of the man's trench coat. The leather arm that held him was strong and unyielding. To be short, Harry found himself in the arms of Vash the Stampede. Moving quietly through a hidden passage, Vash tiptoed through the castle as the followers could always be heard around them.

When they at last stopped, the first thing that Harry noticed was the circular shape to the room, and then the six people already sitting there. He recognized them! They were the ones from the rafters when he was... He shivered at the mere thought of what had happened to place him in his current predicament. It was to his surprise that each of the seven men seemed to understand!

The seven men stood up one by one introducing themselves as the man who just brought him there took a seat at the large round table as well. The lighting was kind of poor in the room.

"My name is Tenchi Masaki, I humbly welcome you to the 5th meeting of the Haremized Poor Sods. HPS."

"Hey there squirt, my name's Ranma and don'tcha forget it!" A little bit of water trickled onto the guy in a red Chinese shirt from the ceiling and there was the redhead standing in the same spot, griping 'her' melons and cursing them.

"Good evening British-teme, name's Sasugay..." the guy dressed in black smacked Naruto over the head, "Stop doing that!" Before huffing and taking his seat again, eager for Naruto to get the hell away from him with his little mind control gig.

Now the blond stood up, "YOSH! My name is Naruto-sama! You may call me Naruto-sama! For I come from the east and stop even babies from crying with my sheer presence! Yes it is I! Who- oomph!" his speech was stopped short from the guy on his other side placing the butt of his sword in Naruto's stomach.

The same guy in green stood up, bowed, and then sat down. Harry just looked at him strangely, looking at the guy who had brought him here for confirmation. "That's Link...and he doesn't usually speak because he's been playing with his Master Sword. We told him that if you keep playing with your Master Sword then one day and you'll go blind. We were half right. He turned mute."

Laughing obnoxiously he stood up and took a hero's stance, "And my name is Vash the Stampede, the man with sixty billion double dollars on his head. Or..." he looked up at the ceiling, "at least I used to have a bounty on my head. Is it still there?"

While Vash absently patted his head down the final man stood up, adjusted his glasses and then screamed at him, "SIT THE F*** DOWN KID!" Harry just nodded and sat down, ignoring the dripping feeling he felt near his thighs. "My name is Keitaro!" Then he just sat down.

The room coughed and Sasuga-...I mean Sasuke spoke from his spot, his hands folded in like a creepy Mr. Ikari, "You'll have to excuse Keitaro. His wives are pregnant: all of them." Each of them men shivered at the thought of pregnant wives; they were the bane of the entire HPS.

As Harry was about to speak a lone dark figure with a helmet on came down one of the paths and rushed into his seat, "Sorry I'm late!" he called to answer the groans of the other men. While heaving he barely answered out, "You know...I can't...run very...well..." His violet eyes were adorable, even from a man's point of view.

Naruto took the lead in speaking to Harry this time, "In short Harry, here at HPS, we help all new recruits against the evil Ultimagu's plans. He's been haremizing us for years now. New girls, new wives, new babies...and ultimately?" his voice climaxed before the fall, "_new chores!_"

Harry's eyes began to twitch again as he spotted several gigantic sweat drops appear on everyone's foreheads. Little X's developing over their heads. They seemed to agree and disagree at the same time with what Naruto had to say.

Tenchi took the moment to begin answering some questions, "Now I realize you probably have a few questions Harry, but let us explain first. Ultimagu has been studying for millenia, searching for the right combinations, the right way to swing an idea. He was born somewhere in Bosnia and he seeks revenge in the most twisted of ways: harems. Using his powers, he forces people into harems!"

There were cries of 'hang the jerkoff' and 'kill the madman' before the room calmed down again. But beneath the depths Harry could feel the deep resentment each man held, all except Naruto that was. He seemed to be enjoying himself. Then again, there were five of him bouncing around the room.

Harry stood and looked around the room, summoning the courage to speak before these crazy people. Breathing in a deep calming breath, he spoke, "I have two questions. My first question is, who are you?" he asks pointing to the man in the mask.

Said figure stood and took off his helmet to reveal purple eyes with a bird like mark in them, "My name is Lelouch Vi Britannia! 99th Emperor of the Britannian Empire." With the same kind of theatrics he sat down once more, setting his helmet on the table.

Harry nodded, so far he had a whole bunch of freaks. Thinking back to his Uncle Vernon said, dear sweet Uncle Vernon, _"You f****** freak! Get out of my house! This instant!" _Yes, dear and sweet and hopefully going to die soon Uncle Vernon. "My final question is, what the hell is wrong with you people? And where are my bloody clothes?''

**(Story)**

**AN: May 4th, 2011: Here is a second edit to _Haremization_. I will be tending to some new material for _Everything_ for the next couple of hours so enjoy what is here. I know there have only been some minor edits, but, as always, bear with me. Also, please review. I enjoy yummy-yummy reviews. They feed me! FEED ME!  
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	3. Introducing Ultimagu!

**AN: I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**

**(Story)**

The eight other men in the circular room deep in the stone walls of Hogwarts gave a little sweat drop. It was now that they too noticed he was, to put it easily, in the complete buff. Sadly, they could even accurately measure how cold it was in the room by looking at Harry's poor shivering body and shriveled something or other.

Vash was the first to come to his aid, throwing his red coat over poor Harry with what dignity he could manage, which included something about muttering about ramenized donuts. Unfortunately I speak the truth, Vash and Naruto were the natural jesters of the HPS. Throw in Lelouch with his unparalleled genius and Arthur from the Ashford Highschool, and many a prank had been done upon the world in the name of black cats everywhere.

Giving Harry a gentle nudge to sit down and listen to them further, and _not_ run away like a freaked out little girl like the other men had done before at the very same table hundreds of times, and perhaps even get a little information from them before he decided to make his choice. Decisions, decisions...

"Harry, I know this is a lot to take in, but you should count yourself lucky we found you in the nick of time. We've never been able to predict which poor sod Ultimagu would attack next. But thanks to Einstein over here," Sasuke jerked a thumb towards Lelouch who seemed to be napping, "we managed to find you just before Ultimagu could get away with his evil plans."

Tenchi took his turn to stand, "Each one of us went through our own version of what you just went through. Ranma and myself, as well as Link went through years and years of the Chase where our wives spent what seemed like forever trying to gain our love. Now for Shinji, Naruto, Sasuke, and Vash it all occurred very rapidly. For our residential Emperor here," Tenchi, like Sasuke had before, thumbed towards the now obviously sleeping Lelouch, "everything occurred in a week's time. We believe Ultimagu is slowly getting for more crafty in his pulling of the heart's strings."

Shinji now took his turn to stand in his position and Link walked behind him where a chart lay on the wall with visuals. Giving a little cough into his hand he began to speak, "Ultimagu while originally believed to be from Bosnia, neither accepts or denies the charges Link presented against the man." Behind him Link flipped back a page on the chart to show an angry Link chasing after a hooded man through what looked like Parisian streets. Both of the men were wearing a skimpy thong and too much hair was visible to not melt your retina.

When Shinji gave another cough into his hand Harry was darkly reminded of Ms. Umbridge, "It may be more accurate to say that Ultimagu was born somewhere in between our universes, and desires love for others seeing as he cannot get his own." In the background, Link had flipped to a page where there were pictures of galaxies on the outside rim of the page, and this dark nothingness in the center with a broken heart. Inside of that broken heart stood a black robed man with an evil grin superimposed on his image.

Harry spoke up from his seat spoke up before Shinji could cough again into his hand, "Shinji, if I may?" Harry asked, and with a slight nod proceeded, "Can you fast forward, history never was my strong point?"

Incredulously, the eight men conferred, minus Lelouch of course, and at great length still could not seem to decide what he meant. So they did the best men do at such times, "I dunno," they shrugged at him.

Sighing, Harry put his face into his hands and let out a small sob, "Dear God, this world sucks, your ever unfaithful servant, Bitch #3."

The other members stared at him awkwardly before a lone voice spoke out, "God is actually a shared consciousnesses of our soul. The human body is but a mask to the soul that we find in the realm of the Sword of Akasha." All of this, came from the drowsy looking Lelouch. In the background near his head, as if there was a rip in the space-time fabric of reality, two girls started screaming, "Kawaii!" at him.

The group's reaction was a sigh as Vash shot the girls straight in the head and they only poofed away with pink heart clouds. "Shirley and Milly right?" Vash asked with a lopsided grin.

Lelouch gave him a bored stare before nodding, "They've been checking in on me for the past three days since Kallen is off working with the UFN and C.C. has been off somewhere doing who knows what." His response seemed neither enthusiastic or bored, just stating a fact. Inside he felt the burning dread of anxiety his wives always gave him while away.

Vash nodded in understanding, "The insurance girls nearly roasted me alive when I told them I was going to be gone for a few days." To this the greater portion of the room winced. The short one could be rather violent.

Shinji seemed to take his turn to interject his tragic woes with his wives, "You wouldn't believe all the things Rei has been doing to keep Asuka from coming here and forcing me to go back, but it won't last much longer. I hear they're getting tired of stealing our old school mates for some lesb-...mmmph!" A gloved hand shot out of the fabric of space-time covering Shinji's mouth and a stray voice spoke out from the shadows, "Now, now Shinji-chan, you mustn't say such things in my story. Think of the rating!"

In an instant the men stood, even Harry, though his was in surprise. "Ultimagu!" The men screamed in hatred: and surprise from Harry.

**(Story)**

**AN: May 10th, 2011: Finally! I have finally gotten around to an edit of chapter three of _Haremization. _I changed my mind about _Everything_, so expect an update for it in a few days and expect a couple more updates for _Haremization_ pretty soon. Also, someone asked me to post a list of the wives of the men so that they could keep everything in order with the different universes at play here. Let me try. Here is my first version; do not take it to be absolute fact since wives get swapped later and no is technically with Harry yet.**

**Tenchi: 6 wives: **Ayeka, Sasami, Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washu (and Noike if I add her for Tenchi).

**Ranma: 5 wives: **Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Xian Pu, Ukyo

**Keitaro: 7 wives: **Naru, Mutsumi, Shinobu, Mitoko, Kaolla, Mitsune, Kanako (don't give me those looks...)

**Shinji: 6 wives:** Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Misato, Maya, Ritsuko

**Sasuke: ?: **I've never specified who Sasuke is married to. Assume he's married to the few women Naruto isn't married to.

**Naruto: ?: **I've also never specified who Naruto is married to. Assume he's married to the loads of women that Sasuke isn't married to (notice this is at your discretion...not mine).

**Link: 4 wives: **Zelda, Ruto, Saria, Malon

**Vash: 3 wives: **Meryl, Milly, Dominique

**Lelouch: 5 wives: **Shirley, C.C., Kallen, Milly, Nina

**The process runs from the Chase, to the Marriage. Chase and Marriage, simple as that. Most of _Haremization_, in fact, is the Chase of Harry since the women of Hogwarts have so much trouble keeping Harry for long.**

**This is the order of who went through the Chase and for how long.**

1. Ranma, Tenchi, Link (years of the Chase and initial acolytes of HPS)

2. Shinji, Naruto, Sasuke, Vash (weeks of the Chase)

3. Lelouch (one week's worth of time for the Chase)

**AN 2: July 3rd, 2011: Whoops! I forgot to put Shinji up there. ahahahaha...please don't kill me O.O.**


	4. The Battle is Just Beginning

**AN: ********I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**  


**(Story)**

Shinji struggled against the hand which covered his mouth, desperate for the obvious reason that his hated enemy was right behind him, but also for the reason that anything he could do to vex his most hated enemy would a nice thing to do for himself. It might even relieve the sexual tension of living with five really crazy women: psychotic women, on levels that none of the other men could claim half the time.

Ultimagu, however, had other plans for the weakest link between these ten men. Pushing him forward, Ultimagu shot his hand out and a dark pulsing orb came flying out and into Shinji's back as he was still flying towards the other men. Each of them saw his face contort in terror and agony as he was enveloped by the darkness. Without a thud, for there were no remains, Shinji disappeared from their lives forever. He would leave behind five wives, all very pretty, and all very homicidal.

Without bothering to check any of the men before him, Ultimagu pulled out a list and seemed to mumble to himself, "now we'll see how the women react to the sudden departure of the male unit."

Vash was the first to recover, "that was an awful thing to do! Where is my friend?" He assumed 'the position', which was more or less a crying face bent over the bended knees, and arms bent up near level with the head in anger and frustration. It was a sight to see, seeing as Vash was still just as tall as the others now, with his knees bent and leaning forward. Whatever gigantism had been given to him at birth for being a Plant was off enough as it is, but to still be eating like he was a growing teenager, that just didn't make sense. Or perhaps just maybe it did. He did after all act like a child.

Ultimagu regarded the crying man with a sneer. Well, you couldn't see the sneer, but you could feel it. "Don't you mean your gay lover?" There were cries of, 'what?' and 'Ohhhhhh, that explains the donut jokes!.' Harry stood there as usual, not a clue as to what was going on, but that was typical in his life since forever.

Vash however looked at the man with a look like he'd just seen two cats fight over a grandmother: not for the food but for the sex. It was that "weirded out" look that he wore on his face. That was before the others' comments finally reached the epicenter of his brain and the reaction began. "How could you guys think that? Shinji wasn't my lover! He was just a good friend! He understood me! How my wives are insane!" More cries came out, 'you're not the only one with insane wives/husbands.' Whoever called out husbands was a mystery though and many suspected it was Link, but the point of the matter is that it didn't matter that Harry was edging his way out of this crazy place; it mattered that Ultimagu was throwing his death balls of deathliness and destruction-ess at everyone in the room.

The remaining eight original men of the HPS scrambled as the death balls threatened to send them to the nether universe where women did not rule supreme and men had to do everything themselves! All those decisions they would be thrust upon to make; they wouldn't have a clue what to do and accidentally cause a revolution and then that universe would have women ruling supreme as well!

Tenchi had the luck to draw upon his Juraian powers and protect himself with the Tenchi sword. He took his stance in front of the others deflecting the oncoming death balls from his friends. He was of no use in getting closer to the enemy.

Ranma was fortunately already in his female form, and thus much more agile. He took this as a practice session and dodged the death balls as they came. He would lob back a few chi attacks when he could get the chance but he was still next to useless.

Keitaro was running around screaming like a little girl because he had no fighting capabilities what-so-ever. The man was about as useful in a fight as a condom after being stabbed by a fork.

Naruto had his clones coming out like sperm, only in the thousands rather than the millions, and they kept charging and charging. I think they were at the 77th wave now, but I'm not sure. Each wave sort of just blends in with one another. Anyone could notice that instead of being like a normal teenager, Naruto gave off clones like a normal teenager might ejaculate. Same principle in a way. The whole solid clone thing except it was literally an image of Naruto with Naruto's brains and Naruto's feelings instead of an independent growth.

Link had his Master Sword and shield at the ready, helping to deflect the oncoming death balls. Though he was a mute he kept screaming things like, "HA!" "UGH!". Yes, I know its weird. But thats what happens when you play with your Master Sword too much.

Sasuke was taking a nap with Lelouch in the corner. Everyone else had it covered. They weren't doing anything wrong necessarily. They just had long stressful days, and understood in one another the hardships of complete and utter morons: bakas.

Vash? Well he was in the back firing his gun again and again at Ultimagu. Yet a death ball always seemed to swallow his bullets whole and he would have to dodge them.

The HPS fighting style had drastically improved in the last couple of hours for some reason. Some may say that it was because they had a new hope at defeating Ultimagu. Some may say it was because they were mourning the death of their friend. A sane person would tell you its because that very same person, Shinji, wasn't running around and screaming like an idiot as well.

Ultimagu recognized this. His subjects were weakened by the blubbering idiots, who were there more to amuse him rather than anything else. Aiming a particularly strong death ball at the crazy Keitaro, Link tried to dive in the way and deflect his one, but to no avail. His shield shattered, and some skin grazed from his knuckles. Naruto in a last ditch attempt tried flooding the path between the death ball and Keitaro's oblivious form with clones, but also to no avail.

Keitaro stopped and with him the battle stopped. All watched as he his face contorted into a cringe. His words being, "please...kill..." everyone's eyes widened, Keitaro asking people to kill someone as his final request? "...my wives! Blegh..." Oh. That makes more sense. With the anti-climatic ending of another comrade, the gang resumed again, only to find no Ultimagu there. Searching the room high and low they all looked around. Where could he have gone? He had them on the run as much as they didn't care to admit it.

At last they sat back down at the blackened and smoking, no longer circular table. It was here they recognized one other loss. "Uhm guys? Where's Harry?" Vash asked with a donut in his mouth. Please don't ask where he got it. I have no clue. He is partially magical I suppose? Maybe it came along with being a Plant.

Searching anew, the seven men shrugged at each other. Not a clue. Ugh..._men_.

**(Story)**

**AN: May 17th, 2011: Hey guys! I'm going to be gone at King's Island all of tomorrow so I'll try and add as many edits as I can; just don't expect too much since little Alex sleeps in my office. Mon petit est tres mignon. No translation will be given. What do you think of the edit? A little different than it was before. Reviews are welcome! Reviews are loved! Give me some reviews...so I don't piss in your cup! Yay!**


	5. When Elves Attack!

**AN: ********I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**  


**(Story)**

Harry had to give himself a pat on the back for his latest and greatest feat! He had somehow smuggled a bunch of drugs into Hogwarts because that was the only explanation he had for the last few hours of his, admittedly, predictably unpredictable life. Dreaming of being naked with a bunch of girls, not so out of his 'innocent' range. Being naked with a bunch of guys, still sorta fell in his 'curious but we're not going to talk about that' range.

Creeping down the halls he had remembered several highlighted parts of his time line of his memories which were not in his range.

7:34 AM: Spontaneously turned naked, Ron grabbed my ass, Hermione nearly bled to death from a nosebleed. Oddly enough, so did Snape. MORAL: Snape is a pervert, Hermione has circulation problems. Ron was having a bad moment, and my clothes are on vacation.

8:21 AM: For no apparent reason a long male arm pulled me into a wall and lead me into a secret chamber filled with lots of men. MORAL: Always say no to strangers, even when they offer you clothes to your naked bare bottom.

8:43 AM: Mysterious Voldemort wannabe appears out of thin air but no apparating was done. MORAL: Getting rid of Voldie-pants won't get rid of dark wizard problem. Perhaps execution should be administered for attempted some things as silly as attempted suicide, that way all dark thoughts are caught off guard before they can advance to hatred.

It didn't tell him, however, how to find his way to some clothes that the girls were NOT offering him. He had tried taking a nap around noon only to wake up to this warm pleasant feeling around his...well...what could he say in his defense? He hadn't expected to be tied up by a devious Luna.

Now with rope burns on wrists and slobber still left on his...never mind, forgot about the rating kiddies, Harry continued to move his scrawny arse down the hall. Fortunately it was now dark, a little cold, but okay since he wasn't being mauled or that...thing earlier with Luna and the candle wax. The only thing that had Harry's pale face grimacing was the torture his stomach felt. Sure it was nothing like the Dursley's could inflict, but that didn't mean it was fun being hungry.

Elves! 'What a brilliant thought...' he...well...thought to himself in triumph. He could make his way down to the kitchens and the elves could feed him. They shouldn't be affected by the drugs he had taken...or whatever may or may not be going on. Shrugging he tickled the pear and was welcomed into a sight he'd rather not see. Dobby and Winky were waiting for him.

Screams of horror could be heard down the halls and the girls all sighed, their place in the growing harem of one Harry Potter, messy haired boy all around, was becoming ever more distant to the boy himself.

Ultimagu in another part of the building merely chuckled in that 'mysterious final boss' sort of manner that only the all-knowing and all-powerful but soon-going-to-die could achieve.

As Ron made his own way through the few places girls were actively engaged in 'we're waiting for Harry to consummate it' deviant behavior, he couldn't help but think of lots of nice things. All of them centered on a poor guy he knew was being raped at this very moment, assuming the cries for help were not a few minutes old and it was really already over. Ron however did not think of some physics. He'd be lucky to know that sound has speed. Surprisingly, he was a wealth of knowledge on how the digestive system worked.

That aside, Ron continued to make his way until he ran into Romilda Vane. Sweet little Romilda Vane in her 'waiting for Harry' deviant behavior was now firmly attached to leg, her eyes closed, "make me a woman..."

The poor girl didn't know what hit her when Ron shouted with great enthusiasm, "OK!" Just as Ron didn't know what hit him nine months later because he didn't hear her say 'Harry' at the end of her fainting sigh.

Of course I must tell you in absolute secrecy that five members of the seven men from the HPS were looking frantically for Harry. His screams made them shake in their very skin thinking of their own first times and second times...and third times...and nth times.

I say five because Lelouch was still napping, and Naruto was recording Harry being tied up by two elves surrounded by a sea of knocked out elves. Pfft, men!

**(Story)**

**AN: July 3rd, 2011: I know it took me a little while to get to this edit but I have a non-valid excuse! ...I was sleeping? Well screw you guys too! Jeez, man. Anyway, here is your newest edit to _Haremization_ though I expect you to notice that few of the ellipses have been taken away. There is a reason for them and just treat them like the fricken' pauses they are! I write as if I were telling you a story via osem (through mouth). So I hope you review and actually help me feel better about these stories. I still can't believe that my highest reviewed story is a quick one-shot. Pfft...readers!**


	6. Harry Hunting

**AN: ********I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**  


**(Story)**

**Five Weeks Later**

The shaggy figure that tip toed on the Pro-Harry side of the castle was still suspicious of all of them. He'd been turned into some sort of animal. The entropy in the castle had dissolved into sheer awkwardness. The entire order of things had morphed into two sides. The larger of the two, the Rape-Harry side, was fixated on all of the escapes from the castle and often sent out bands of four or five girls to find him and then have their wicked way with him. Since they could afford it, the larger of the two groups had also made a select few into Agents who would whisper sweet nothings into the smaller of the two, Pro-Harry side, and have them skip off to working to get Harry's pants off.

The Pro-Harry side believed with a lot of difficulty in clearing their heads that Harry wasn't this gorilla working his harem. He was this individual who just happened to be really cute. The Rape-Harry side was led by Luna Lovegood. Sure she had loved him before, but never would've made a move on him without this burst of hormones in her loins. Her followers were astounded at how easily she seemed to find him and then whimsically woo him out of his clothes. Everyone else had to search high and low and then fight to get their lover to take off their clothing and his own.

This of course included the seven men of the HPS who were still unused to the layout of the castle. Only Lelouch seemed to be able to find him just as well as Luna, but he lead the Pro-Harry side most of the time away from the Haremized Poor Sods instead of looking for Harry. Few found it funny that he had for the most part joined the PHS right out of the HPS, and how he had done more work looking for Harry when the initials had been HP. As the PHS made Harry their obvious charity for endangered species, while on the side they did a little weapons dealings. But what else could you expect of Lelouch but secret organizations?

Harry was the only one that no one ever seemed to consider in all of this. His wand had been confiscated after he had tried to blow up on one of the girls who had bedded him when he'd been found snoring behind Barnaby the Barmy. In the sheer audacity of the movement, Luna had sent immediate word for Harry to be brought before her 'court', as it was being called, so he may receive his punishment.

_Flashback_

_Harry struggled desperately to free himself of the loving and giving flesh that bound him to the four girls marching him up towards the large throne Luna had stolen for herself. Once the Headmaster's chair for meals in the Great Hall, Luna had somehow convinced the man to get lost. Something to do with a Millicent Bulstrode, whip cream, and a whole lot B-rated movie that was being banned in 248 of the 272 officially recognized countries of the world._

_It was with a great sigh that Harry dropped to his knees when the girls literally stopped trying to restrain him. Being so close to Luna...his first...he couldn't help but grow weak in the knees. Even now that plain and peculiar school robe she wore drove him nuts._

_Yet her voice was like a whip, striking him harshly, "Harry...you know this can't continue forever." So soft, so pleasant, and yet so cruel. There was a fragment of Voldie-pant's soul in her Harry knew it by now, it had to be true. This revelation had shocked Harry to his core, Voldemort...was a woman? The thought of that...that...thing...evil incarnate...rubbing up against him sent shudders through his body._

_Luna dismissed them as shivers of cold, it was only two and a half weeks into this chase. Harry could very well just be emotionally unattached to the girl's favorite new game of cat and mouse. In fact, with his near murder of one of her girls, Luna more than suspected as much; she knew. This really could not continue._

_With his continued silence Luna stood, her elegance petering off into that of a jester at the court rather than its' Queen. Kneeling before her love her blue eyes seemed so worried, those emotionless eyes that never showed anyone anything. Not her father, not her few friends, not a soul. Here was a man who understood her, and she lead him through a world she had only ever dreamed of when she was in heat from nearby Snornwagglers._

_"Harry, we'll always chase after your heart won't we?" Puzzled, Harry was going to say something when she give him a little push down onto the lower floor. "Ladies," Luna called over the sound of Harry stuttering for a reply, "dinner." And Harry knew his punishment for having used his wand in the game. He learned with over 120 girls: all magically engineering him to just keep going and going and going and go-..._

**Finite Flashback**

Now Harry was slinking along one of the upper floor hallways for a secret little room Lelouch had told him about as he walked by from one business meeting to another. He had promised him food, water, a warm place to sleep. No mattress could be fit in there but several blankets would provide roughly the same feeling. It also gave him some privacy every now and then.

Finding such a cubbyhole as he was told to seek out if he wanted to avoid Luna's first monthly Harry Hunting. That term had been so disturbing when the girl on him had spoke of it in between her girlish rasps for air as she bounced on...well...ratings! Please look at the ratings! Anyway, Harry Hunting used to mean he'd be beaten up. Nowadays it had the distinct feeling he'd be beaten up a little and then undressed with whatever got his hands on them. Sadly that was exactly how he meant it.

**With the HPS**

Vash lay sprawled out on the table, still hoping for some news from the six others. He'd been left behind by each of them. Lelouch had his weapons dealings. Naruto was running a sperm donor place where he was swapping out donated sperm for his own. Sasuke was the accountant for the business. Link was...well...he was somewhere in the Forbidden Forest with an enlarged version of Navi. Disturbing. He was after all the only one spending time with one of his wives. Besides Harry and his few hundred some wives. Ranma had gone to the clinic some time ago to treat a strange lump he felt in one of his breasts. While Tenchi was on the Astronomy Tower worrying constantly over his own wives in another universe.

No word from Ultimagu in five whole weeks had been driving them each nuts. Without Harry, whom they could not seem to find, they stood little chance of finally beating Ultimagu in a battle. Not that it would mean anything to their wives...but...

Vash bolted up when he heard...women. Distinct voices. One sounded German. The others sounded Japanese. Shinji's and Keitaro's wives. Eyes going wide he dove beneath the table, it wouldn't save him from the nine new wives that were forcing themselves on him.

MORAL: When your buddy dies, you inherit his wives...right?

**(Story)**

**AN: July 3rd, 2011: Is that better my handful of loyal followers? I now present to you two updates in one day! In fact, within one hour I have completed these two edits while listening to Pandora. Again, I would appreciate a review or two and YES I AM WHORING FOR REVIEWS! Don't judge me you fellow-review-skanks!**


	7. The Realization

**AN: ********I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**  


**(Story)**

When the HPS actually met again three weeks later, they had to drag a more toned Harry Potter to the secret room where they had been holding their meetings. Sitting around the table were Vash, Naruto, Sasuke, Link, Tenchi, Ranma, Lelouch, and finally Harry. Each one of them had taken on a new look from their former selves of old just two months ago when this had started.

Vash the Stampede now sported the dazed look of a man who was on the edge. He held a donut in his hands at all times while he sat at the table, and even his comfort food didn't seem to be working optimally for the poor ravished guy. He had been adjusting to thirteen new wives for the past three weeks, and it was amazing he was still alive. His coat had clawing marks along the sides and you could see where they had left hickeys on his already pock-marked and marred skin.

Naruto was sporting a fluffy purple coat and cane for some reason. It was surprisingly little better than the orange jumpsuit of old as it was still an eyesore. He seemed to just lay back in the chair casually as if he controlled the world. Considering his sperm bank was doing so well, it wasn't surprising that he was so well off. His bright hair seemed to glisten in the candlelight that the HPS worked in.

Sasuke, Naruto's accountant, looked almost better off than Naruto. Whether that was because Sasuke was more flashy than Naruto, or because a little embezzling action was occurring, we'll only know once the courts skew the truth so that it could be either option. His black hair was smoothed back into a ponytail, and his business suit didn't quite fit the ninja sandals he had propped up on the table.

Link was better looking than most of them. After a great deal of time with Navi in the forest, he had begun to speak again, but for some reason it was in a British accent. Navi had stopped by only long enough to continue ignoring most of what he said. His green leafy clothes had remained the same, still giving him this tree-hugging look like a Hippie from the States.

Tenchi, who had been unobserved for a little time due to his remorse and homesickness for his lovely brides at home, looked ever more depressing. His normal priestly clothing was beginning to look smudged. If Lord Kasihito saw him now, well I just would feel sorry for the poor guy. The only thing that seemed to be keeping the guy from jumping off the deep end was the fact that a woman named Noike had jumped out from another universe and proceeded to mother him like the other women had never been able to do effectively. It seemed to at least cheer Tenchi up from time to time when he was gardening with her. Among other sowing acts that they performed on the Astronomy Tower.

Ranma was…well…he was a strange boy/girl. He had gotten into the habit of carrying this stuffed panda with him that he punched just for the fun of it. His normal Chinese clothing seemed like a second skin as the boy had tons of time to train in peace. The only thing askew was when some Gendo guy came and shook the boy up for screwing his little 'Shinji-chan'. Disturbing, let Yui's soul rest in peace knowing her husband was a wackjob bent on being 'one' with her at the cost of sacrificing their son.

Lelouch, without a better word to describe it, was more odd than normal. He hardly ever slept now and he had this strange glowing mark on his forehead. He'd written it off as one of C.C.'s endearing pranks. On the multiverse radio they'd heard that the 'demon emperor' was dead in entirely…unrelated…news. They just assumed that Lelouch must've known the guy when he seemed pleased at the news and spent pleasant evenings, for once, with his wives.

That brings us down to Harry. Our sweet and beloved Harry who had finally mastered how to put on clothes in such a way that the girls didn't need to rip them off in order to have their wicked way with him any longer. He was still rather shabby looking, but better than before in the very least. He was for the first time in many weeks shaven, and the look made him all the more appealing. No one had even bothered trying to comb his hair. Harry had for a short while started calling himself Sweet McDaddy G. It had ended after another session with Luna's court since that was another route she did not wish to walk down her magical lover.

To sum it up, the eight of them looked like crap, mostly felt like crap, and wasn't sure but might actually be sitting in crap.

It was Tenchi who took reign as the most calm and sane of the lot, despite being depressed, with an easy time doing so. It wasn't like they were collectively focused on something else. He gave a polite cough before speaking, "As I'm sure you're all aware…times are losing their touch with us."

Naruto stood to second this notion, "It's like we're the knights of old ya know?"

Sasuke placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder and pushed him back down into his seat gently. Looking back up at the others he gave his own cough, "I'm here as Mr. Uzamaki's representative, all questions should be placed through me on this matter.

Naruto 'humphed' in his seat mumbling, "I didn't touch the little girl like that man…she was like…up on me on that issue man…" He was slapped upside the head by a frying pan and a middle-aged woman who apologized realizing she wasn't berating her son Gohan…or something.

The room gave a sound that sounded an awful lot like a cricket. It was as if the room itself was astounded. 'Cricket…cricket…cricket'.

Tenchi gave a more urgent cough, though managing to be polite about it somehow, "I'm sure the HPS can help with whatever it's members are going through, but for now we have more urgent issues." Getting up out his place, Tenchi walked over to a chart with Link while Sasuke assumed this was his cue to sit back down.

Link gave a cough as he pointed towards the chart with the image of Ultimagu on it with flames all around him in a rather comical manner. "You see mates, this gov here has gotten on our last nerves. We're going to find his lorry and bash the bleedin' tar out of it."

Tenchi gave Link a small poke to move away from the chart to which Link complied with some vague insults nobody would understand for a week. "What we mean is…we're going to have to find where Ultimagu is hiding out in order to end this conflict once and for all." A few nods and murmers around the room while Harry just seemed to doze. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night. His hiding place had been compromised when Pansy Parkinson had offered Lelouch funding for his giant robot dolls or whatever they were.

Continuing, Tenchi pointed out the next slide on the chart, "Due to our great losses just eight weeks ago, we've lost our dear comrades, Shinji and Keitaro. We'll be holding a memorial for them out by the lake where they're supposed to be buried beside some DumblesBored. I honestly don't know who I feel more sorry for…the previous headmaster…or our comrades." His words were now taken with seriousness and even Harry seemed to be magically paying attention now. No one noticed how the chart picture was of eight people carelessly tossing two bodies in a stone catacomb with a skeleton already in it.

At this point Vash fell out of his chair shouting about how the donuts would save him from Knives' perverted fantasies. It didn't help that it was followed by a little girl storming in and hugging Naruto's leg to which he shouted something about that the 'glove didn't fit!'.

It became obvious that the meeting had broken down when Lelouch put on some farmer's clothing and was sneaking out the back way with a green-haired girl. Of course if that didn't signal the end, it probably came around the time Link whipped out his Master Sword with a loud 'Huzzah!' and everyone pretty much cleared out before they were forced to watch that creepy show.

That's how Harry found his way in Luna's arms behind Barnabus the Barmy again. How she did it, he'd never know. Never would care either probably. As long as she kept bringing the drugs that for some reason kept making him think that he was participating in some sort of collective effort to end a madman's attempt to twist the multiverse to his liking.

Seriously kids, don't do drugs. Both of these nutjobs got married, had druggie kids, and ended up on Witches Weekly together even though they were 139 and 137. If only Dumbledore had stopped Voldemort from forcing his soul into Luna and then maybe at least stopped the constant drug usage of viagra.

Seriously, I mean 30 girls were pregnant within a month and only THEN did Dumbledore think something might be wrong with his Golden Child. Is he senile? Or is it just me?

**(Story)**

**AN: July 3rd, 2011: Don't worry kiddies, I'm not done with this story. At long last I have found out how I wanted to continue writing _Haremization_ in a manner where I originally intended to take it without dicking out on the issue of actually finishing a story.**

**Here below you'll find an updated list of the gang and who they're married to.**

**Tenchi: 7 wives: **Ayeka, Sasami, Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washu, Noike

**Ranma: 5 wives: **Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Xian Pu, Ukyo

**Keitaro: 0 wives: DEAD**

**Shinji: 0 wives: DEAD**

**Sasuke: ?: **I've never specified who Sasuke is married to. Assume he's married to the few women Naruto isn't married to.

**Naruto: ?: **I've also never specified who Naruto is married to. Assume he's married to the loads of women that Sasuke isn't married to (notice this is at your discretion...not mine).

**Link: 4 wives: **Zelda, Ruto, Saria, Malon

**Vash: 16 wives: **Meryl, Milly, Dominique, Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Misato, Maya, Ritsuko, Naru, Mutsumi, Shinobu, Mitoko, Kaolla, Mitsune, Kanako

**Lelouch: 5 wives: **Shirley, C.C., Kallen, Milly, Nina

**Harry: ?: **Luna, Hermione, Ginny, Pansy, and on and on and on...

**Author's Announcements:**

I know hardly anyone reads my profile (which wouldn't matter since it's out of date anyway), so I have posted these following announcements in all of my stories to let you formally know that I will be attempting to write chapters for most of my stories once again. I cannot guarantee anything, but I am most willing to make the effort.

That's the important part. Here come the details (your queue to leave if you want).

**Reasons Why I Haven't Been Writing:**

Well…geez, put me on the spot without time for cookies or milk. I haven't been writing mostly because of the combined dedications my life has required of me. In the time since I wrote _Memoirs of a Time Traveler_ I have done the following things, each further complicating my life as a burgeoning adult:

1. Began a polyamorous relationship.

2. Managed to get my girlfriend of five years pregnant.

3. Fought with the parents of the newest member of our 'Triad' in the Triangular relationship.

4. Finally given up the idea of trying to treat both of my girlfriends equal in public status and married my pregnant girlfriend (to avoid the evil state of Indiana's bureaucracy).

5. Had my mother-in-law move in to help us with bills.

6. Had a child whom we call Alex.

7. Managed to obtain a 35 hour job (which previously had been 20 hours since after #3 but before #4).

8. Have continued my undergraduate education throughout the entire process.

**Reasons Why I Will Begin Writing Anew:**

These are the reasons why I'm more optimistic about a renewed writing!

1. Resigned from my job since my boss is a douche and was probably going to fire me anyway.

2. Finals are over!

3. Looking for another job and taking care of Alex, but still plenty of free time from the additional hours (some 70 in my week) which have been freed up recently.

4. Because I hate to see 'abandoned' on my stories!

I look forward to presenting everyone with wonderful new material on old ideas. Let it be known, however, that not all of my lack of posting is from a lack of writing. I have written three chapters for various stories when my computer crashed around seven months ago. Don't blame me, blame the elves.

So, without further ado, I bid you welcome into a new age of writing by Ultimagu.


	8. Drugs Equal Death

**AN: ********I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**  


**(Story)**

Harry slowly came to and realized that his face was very wet. He mumbled and groggily pulled his head up from the pool of drool where he'd been sleeping. Rubbing his eyes with a few twists of his knuckles and after he had straightened his glasses he realized that the others had fallen asleep around the table as well. He grunted out looking for a reply, hoping that all was well with the group which might help save him from expanding his harem and the inevitable blisters which would result from that expansion.

His lean form stumbled out of his honorary chair, as they had never truly inducted him into the HPS, and went to shake the green clad form of Link. It had amazed him how the blond-headed guy actually could speak but his over the top 'British' accent really wore on his nerves. Harry placed a hand on Link's shoulder and felt them slip in something that was almost a liquid but crusted over.

A lump came up into his throat as his retracted hand revealed the dark red which had stained his hand. Harry, in that moment, could do or think about nothing other than running for his life away from another one of 'Voldermort's' plots.

Vash jerked his head up at the loud girlish scream and looked as Harry ran from the room and barreled past a few of the peeping girls. He had to stir himself from his sleepiness and knocked over his goblet of fire whiskey that the group had been sipping during their last meeting.

It was then that Vash the Stampede, the only pure non-human of the HPS, picked up the coppery taste of blood in the air. It was a old friend of his that he had been acquainted with long before the city of July had been torn asunder and the people devoured one another to survive.

He looked around at the others who were also slowly waking and noticed that Link did not stir from his position. Instead, his green clothing had been stained where a long, thin sword had sliced through his ribcage. With a look of determination Vash made his way over towards the dead form of his friend and saw a note laying in front of Link. It read as thus:

_Dear experiments,_

_I left a little gift for you by exchanging one sword-wielder for another. Your new partner is much more depressed and suffers from personality issues with an older 'brother'-like figure who killed his girlfriend. This is the brother's sword that I borrowed before depositing the comatose sword-wielder and his wives into this universe. Don't forget that you're stuck till I decide to move you out of ickle-Harry's universe to gather another member for your little group. I am decidedly pleased with your improvements and obviously displeased with where some of you have continued to spike your alcohol with rufies. Really? Was that necessary? I'm not going to name names but I will keep my eye out for more foolish behavior._

_P.S. How are your wives? Have you visited them lately? When your curiosity is finally satisfied about the contents of this letter and you manage to finish this sentence you will find yourself transported to an unnamed location where I have locked your wives up and you shall poof back into ickle-Harry's universe after your thorough mauling._

_Sincerely,_

_Your Lord and Master,_

_Ultimagu_

Vash felt a sense of dread build as he quickly faded from the universe by Ultimagu's magic and ended up in a dark room where sixteen voices announced their surprise at just how famished their husband felt; they decided to 'feed' him to help him grow.

As Vash disappeared, Naruto was the next to spontaneously read the letter and he also poofed away in front of everyone's eyes. Only four men remained: Sasuke, Tenchi, Lelouch, and Ranma.

"Well now what do we do?" Sasuke asked as if the world was slowly crumbling around his happy little world where he was almost better than Naruto; no Naruto to compete with meant he was an unhappy emo-bitch.

Tenchi seemed to consider the question and was about to say something before a very estranged Malon could be heard making her way towards the room. Before he had time to make his response or order them to begin blocking the doors off his three compatriots read Ultimagu's letter to avoid being additionally married.

Poor Tenchi sighed in reservation as four women entered the room and landed their eyes on the sight of their dead husband and their new husband by default. Tenchi screamed in passion for several hours as Noike watched...figures right?

**(Story)**

**AN: July 3rd, 2011: Hey folks! How do you like the new material? Notice I'm starting to kill off some of the original HPS members? Yeah...about that. It's a new plot point I'm adding to the old-intended ending. I'm not naming who the 'sword wielder' is though I'm sure if you're an avid reader and geek like I am you'll guess who it is based off the few clues I gave you. Shall I name them for the slower readers? Alright!**

**Clues as to who the newest Haremized Poor Sod is:**

**1. Wields a sword.**

**2. Link is killed by a _long, thin_ sword.**

**3. Link is face down on a table with said sword in his back which sounds a lot like...**

**I will officially give mention and an entrance into this story provided that you successfully guess who it is. The first person who responds correctly wins the prize.**

**Below is the updated list of my dear Poor Sods. Soon I plan to name the wives of Sasuke and Naruto should I decide to kill them and remarry their wives off.**

**Tenchi: 11 wives: **Ayeka, Sasami, Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washu, Noike, Zelda, Ruto, Saria, Malon

**Ranma: 5 wives: **Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Xian Pu, Ukyo

**Keitaro: 0 wives: DEAD**

**Shinji: 0 wives: DEAD**

**Sasuke: ?: **I've never specified who Sasuke is married to. Assume he's married to the few women Naruto isn't married to.

**Naruto: ?: **I've also never specified who Naruto is married to. Assume he's married to the loads of women that Sasuke isn't married to (notice this is at your discretion...not mine).

**Link: 0 wives: DEAD**

**Vash: 16 wives: **Meryl, Milly, Dominique, Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Misato, Maya, Ritsuko, Naru, Mutsumi, Shinobu, Mitoko, Kaolla, Mitsune, Kanako

**Lelouch: 5 wives: **Shirley, C.C., Kallen, Milly, Nina

**Harry: ?: **Luna, Hermione, Ginny, Pansy, and on and on and on...


	9. The Corridor of Wrackspurts

**AN: ********I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure. The poem in this chapter is called Civilization and I do own it. It is my poem. How else can I express to you that the poem written in this chapter is of my making and that I own the copyright to it!**  


**(Story)**

The pitter pat-pat-pat tumble an' crash of Harry's fleeing form was probably not as interesting as the girlish screams which came from the direction from which he ran. Those screams would continue despite the other, more womanly, moans of indiscreet pleasure; however, that is neither here nor there as we already know of that particularly lewd and depraved string of the storyline. So we will make due with the rather Dr. Suess noises which Harry made upon his escape; which brings me back to the pitter pat-pat-pat tumble an' crash of Harry's fleeing form.

His dark raven hair was cast in the low light of Luna's Castle, where her minions could capture and 'interrogate' their common desire freely without much of his notice till it was too late. It made a rather disturbed and demented form shake in agony and depression against the cold, ancient stones of magic. The clothes on the boy were a surprise to all who saw him as they passed between classes, and surely no haremized poor sod would wear such clothing unless he had a couple hundred different women telling him how to dress: no other explanation withstood the fury of Luna's High Court.

Even a little girl was skipping by at the time and chanting a most disturbed set of poetry that it only made the poor sod question his shrieking and shuttering sanity if he had finally given in to Voldemort's dark plans.

The closer the girl got, the easier he could hear her demented words.

"_...then to you...I bid...farewell..."_

"_Another stone is complete,_

_That sets on down the path,_

_Pave the way on cobbled street,_

_And certainly mind the wrath,"_

"_Down the way in which we go,_

_Where hearts may be as pure as snow,_

_Find the light which leads the way,_

_Never dimmed, like the day,"_

"_Much there is yet now to learn,_

_Through fog and haze, you must discern,_

_The end of time, and the time to end,_

_Through fiery Hell we shall descend,"_

"_Mark these words, and mark them well,_

_If nothing else should get through your shell,  
Then to you...I bid...farewell..."_

"_Another sto-..."_

The words sing-songed all the way along into Harry's mind and his sanity felt like a twig as though it should snap at any moment under the grave and terrible foreboding sense of the future it gave him. What future did he have surrounded by so many women? How would be recognized as any more than a penis which satisfied those around him in gigantic shagging contests in a castle where they once studied magic. Would he be known as the oldest man still shagging a bunch women at Dumbledore's age?

Harry felt his eyes expand in the horror at the thoughts crossing his mind. How could he even contemplate such thoughts if Voldemort was not to blame?

A hoarse voice erupted into the now silent hallway, "Ultimagu." That was who it must be. This character which had taken away Shinji, and taken away Keitaro, and now had taken away Link! The people who understood him best for his new found, additional problems were dying left and right and there was nothing he could do about it!

Harry sagged a little further and felt his scarred forehead touch the stones of the floor. His shoulders lurched as he felt new waves of panic and grief shake his thin frame. He just wanted parents! He had just wanted a quiet life with a few friends and a normal rival! He wanted times he could laugh and cry and play and scream and dance and eat and love and hate and ...and...by the Merlin, everything! He wanted all of those things and more with the people he had never really been touched by or known. His newfound best friends where both trying to shag his brains out, which just made those things feel incestuous. The time Hermione had caught him on the 3rd floor corridor he had cried the whole time.

Slowly the shakes felt as if they might subside and a new determination might light beneath his wracked frame to start anew. Just maybe he could barrel past them all in the front door and run for his freedom. This was Scotland, he could join William Wallace and together they'd fight over outside Stirling for their FREEDOM!

His steady alternation between cackling and sobbing was interrupted by a unpleasant duet of coughs, "mm, mmf." That voice!

Harry looked up and found Luna with on of her right-hand women by her side. If anyone would treat him like the husband he had always wanted to be to a normal girl it would be her right? His first...uh...uhm...

Luna gave a toadish cough again and began to speak, "No loitering love. The wrackspurts will find you and then we'll all have to be thoroughly checked to see if they've infested anyone else. Come with me."

Harry desired to protest but his second helped haul him off the floor and made him lean into her frame so they could walk behind his first. If he had felt the desire he might question the interesting dynamic of how his first was clearly his equal in some ways, but always his leader; while his second was his only sometimes his leader; and his third and fourth, the Patil twins, were his equals on most occasions, but never really his leaders. The five of them actually functioned somewhat normally for a smaller harem; it was the multitude of lessers who had staked a claim to him that was only comparable to Naruto's harem. Except Naruto had shadow clones for each of his wives to make them all feel important and thus were important; with Naruto there were no sixths or eighths or twenty-ninths.

Harry followed along at a drug-induced amble like the living dead Inferi. His thoughts bounced around so easily he might as well be a rabid chipmunk on steroids without his Ritalin. But as time seemed to crawl by, Harry turned to watch the same little girl from earlier skip down the corridor in the opposite direction chanting the same poetic words from awhile ago.

"_...then to you...I bid...farewell..."_

"_Another stone is complete,_

_That sets on down the path,_

_Pave the way on cobbled street,_

_And certainly mind the wrath,"_

"_Down the way in which we go,_

_Where hearts may be as pure as snow,_

_Find the light which leads the way,_

_Never dimmed, like the day,"_

"_Much there is yet now to learn,_

_Through fog and haze, you must discern,_

_The end of time, and the time to end,_

_Through fiery Hell we shall descend,"_

"_Mark these words, and mark them well,_

_If nothing else should get through your shell,  
Then to you...I bid...farewell..."_

"_Another sto-..."_

What did that even mean? Was he supposed to be listening in on a prophecy? He looked to Luna and she shrugged at him before he could open his mouth, "The poor dear thinks that if she says it enough times it will actually sink in to everyone's minds."

Harry tilted his head wondering what would sink into everybody's minds. The lines or the creepy voice chanting them?

He wasn't given enough time to actually consider the point all that much before he was roughly dragged away by Hermione to continue following his first. What did they need now that required his attention so badly?

* * *

Somewhere deeper in the castle dungeons, a spiky blond-haired man with purple cargo pants and a metal shoulder guard cursed his life and giving into his older brother and marrying those three women! The depraved things they had done together! The lewd things they had done in the marketplace before the stalls opened! Oh the inhumanity!

**AN: July 30th, 2011: Alright, so it's been quite a long time since I actually updated any of the stories I've been editing and improving lately: big deal! None of you have thus far told me who my new Poor Sod is so I reserve the right to withhold that information even longer! The new hints I've given should help immensely, though don't think I've let you out of the thick of it yet. Now you have to try and guess who the 'three wives' of our 'mysterious' swordsman is! Now review!  
**

**AN2: The poem outlined in this story is called Civilization and it is an original by myself. It is copyrighted!  
**

**Here's the updated list of our Poor Sods. Notice the posting of who Naruto and Sasuke are married to? Enjoy it the list while it lasts because I'm going to start killing the wives now too after I actually managed to introduce them, give them some voice, and need to make room for new characters!  
**

**Tenchi: 11 wives: **Ayeka, Sasami, Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washu, Noike, Zelda, Ruto, Saria, Malon

**Ranma: 5 wives: **Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Xian Pu, Ukyo

**Sasuke: 5: **Hinata, Anko, Kurenai, Hanabi, Karin

**Naruto: 14: **Sakura, Kin, Tenten, Shizune, Moegi, Temari, Ino, Hana, Tsunade, Ayame, Haku, Isaribi, Konan, Tayuya

**Vash: 16 wives: **Meryl, Milly, Dominique, Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Misato, Maya, Ritsuko, Naru, Mutsumi, Shinobu, Mitoko, Kaolla, Mitsune, Kanako

**Lelouch: 5 wives: **Shirley, C.C., Kallen, Milly, Nina

**Harry: ?: **Luna, Hermione, Ginny, Pansy, and on and on and on...

**?: 3:** ?, ?, ?

**Keitaro: 0 wives: DEAD**

**Shinji: 0 wives: DEAD**

******Link: 0 wives: DEAD**


	10. Luna's Court

**AN: ********I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**

**Review Commentaries:**

**DragonBard:**I'm sorry the story doesn't quite feel right to you, just as I noticed you had mentioned that earlier as well with chapter 4. Originally, I eliminated Keitaro and Shinji because I really don't like writing their characters. Additionally, I had hoped to switch out some of the original characters that I used for "fresh recruits" in their war against Ultimagu.

The name 'Ultimagu' is not really so much of a self-insertion as it is a generic name I apply to villains in my stories. I actually have a small list of such names, and sometimes you can see them in some of my other stories. Keshane, Ultimagu, Sicerio, Sem Ani Yona (Mayonnaise anagram), and so on and so forth. While it is true these characters are 'me', the same can be said of all characters divined by a writer. They are the embodiment of our imaginations given a defined, cookie-cutter in fanfiction, form.**  
**

**(Story)**

Harry could not help but notice the grandeur of 'Luna's Court'. It had been a few weeks since he had been snagged by one of his firsts and brought to the hall of their self-proclaimed queen. The long flat floor which once lead up to the Headmaster's chair and Professor's table now held an assortment of training fields where each schoolmate Harry had remembered rutting with somewhere in the scho-...prison now practicing all sorts of charms, enchantments, curses, and hexes. It did not take a gob-smacked Harry to understand what Luna had done in her spare time; she had created a fighting force out of his harem.

"Luna?" asked the once unsure and shy Harry Potter, "what are planning?" His first stopped to give him the most curious look he had ever seen, like the time at the end of his fifth year and he had walked with her looking for her stuff that their schoolmates had stolen from her.

"Why would you think any of this was planned?" She tilted her head exposing one of the marks he'd left the last time she'd found him a few nights ago, and he could not help but blush; with his first he always felt like a little schoolboy.

He ignored the responding question in favor of looking around the hall once and gesturing for her to continue showing him what she had intended to do before he interrupted.

His harem had, by now, noticed that their common love had entered the Courtroom of his own volition and was not running away whilst screaming his head off. In fact, he was looking around curiously as their queen lead him towards her throne. Slowly they all forgot what they were doing and began ambling behind the lead procession. It was a spectacle as hundreds of girls followed along behind the top five. As Luna began to ascend the stairs, only the Patil twins felt unsure if they should proceed and move forward they did, but not of their own account; Hermione spared them a smoldering glance as if questioning their competency, and they did not wish to lose favor in the court.

When Luna had reached her throne she turned to face her Harry and sat down with no pomp or attitude a pureblood was expected to utilize according to the _Arcanus Mandatum_, or the 'Closed Mandate'. Beside her she conjured forth a similar throne, if of less beauty, and waved her hand in a rather silly fashion for her Harry to sit beside her.

When he had been sat beside her he could see that his second and third and fourth now too desired their own place that was official in Luna's Court. Rather generously, Luna extended her hand and conjured a lesser throne to her left of an amazing blue with gold embroidery and gestured for Hermione to sit. To the Patil twins she conjured forth, if with some exhaustion now showing in her petite frame, a dual seat on Harry's other side for them to sit side by side: they were technically both third considering how they had apprehended and shared Harry after he tried to walk away from a spent Hermione. It also made them both, technically, fourth, but that was neither here nor there.

When they were all seated they could now all see the court before them as the girls had gathered to look upon the faces of those who came before them and of he who had bound them together by their common identity. The internal, sexual civil war which had raged between Luna's Court and the Pro-Harry side now held its' obvious conclusion; Harry was to remain bonded.

And those below could see the grandeur which they were following. Here was the beginning of a new era in the wizarding world. Here, before them now, was a group of five beings who would ultimately change the world. The life cycle of the Ministry of Magic now must wail in its' final death throes as the Harem of Harry altered the world from the corrupt state which had become the norm.

Any historian who was present might have the presence of mind to indicate that the Harem of Harry would one day also bewail of its' fading life in the cycle of mankind. However, no one at the beginning of a new era wishes to hear of its' end, and so too would another bewail of their fading life in the cycle of mankind should a historian have been present at this enchanting moment in time.

Allow me to demonstrate the majesty upon which their unchosen leaders now exalted. Luna sat in what was once the old Headmaster's chair. However the simple high wooden frame had not been enough for one of Luna's tastes. The chair had remained the same, overall size. It was the decor of the once simply wooden frame, which was tailored with a pure white satin sheet upon which an embroidered tale of her and Harry had been set into the sheet. It was tragically beautiful and reflected what the lack of the Awakening would have done to their romance. Her seat of power was one of fortune which she would utilize and never forget the very real possibility of what probably should have been.

Harry's conjured throne was a deep red with griffins for arms, leaping out of the back of the chair towards the viewer. The seat was marginally smaller than Luna's, but that would take a much closer inspection of the two seats to truly see and understand.

It was this that the lessers looked up upon: their leaders and their common interest. Here, before them now, Luna spoke upon with her wand pressed to her throat to give her speech. Tonight, MoM would feel the foundations shake at the coming doom of their own reign.

"We are held together by more than common interest!" were the words which would be remembered for the next 1,800 years during the cycle of Luna's Court.

* * *

Deep within the castle in a room at the very epicenter of the pulsating stones of magic, six men sat around a table which had once held three others who had died in this very room. Needless to say, security was not one of the strengths of the HPS.

"We need to find a solution before things fall further out of hand men," Vash said as he stood before his five fellow poor sods. "Shinji, Keitaro, and now Link have each fallen in our battle against Ultimagu. That means two of our initial members have fallen in the line of duty, and we haven't landed a single hit on him in the entire three years of our operation." His commando speech would have had more effect if he wasn't guzzling down liquid donut with some milk on top.

"I have," Ranma began from his spot, cursing his damn melon-sized breasts and high pitched voice, "a plan!"

Together they would draft the most ingenious plan ever formed by someone else long before them.

**(Story)**

**AN: August 2nd, 2011: Alright boys and girls and squeedily-spooches! I have now updated _Haremization_ two days in a row! Whoo! I'm now going to take some time to continue making new edits to _Eye of the Dragon_ as well as adding new material to _To Be a Mountain Face_. I hope you enjoy the fact that I actually take the time to write these things and would appreciate any review. Even bad reviews are still reviews and tells me more about what you think is wrong with my writing than just the echoing silence.**

**Tenchi: 11 wives: **Ayeka, Sasami, Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Washu, Noike, Zelda, Ruto, Saria, Malon

**Ranma: 5 wives: **Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Xian Pu, Ukyo

**Sasuke: 5: **Hinata, Anko, Kurenai, Hanabi, Karin

**Naruto: 14: **Sakura, Kin, Tenten, Shizune, Moegi, Temari, Ino, Hana, Tsunade, Ayame, Haku, Isaribi, Konan, Tayuya

**Vash: 16 wives: **Meryl, Milly, Dominique, Asuka, Rei, Hikari, Misato, Maya, Ritsuko, Naru, Mutsumi, Shinobu, Mitoko, Kaolla, Mitsune, Kanako

**Lelouch: 5 wives: **Shirley, C.C., Kallen, Milly, Nina

**Harry: ?: **Luna, Hermione, Padma & Parvati, Ginny, Pansy, and on and on and on...

**?: 3:** ?, ?, ?

**Keitaro: 0 wives: DEAD**

**Shinji: 0 wives: DEAD**

******Link: 0 wives: DEAD**

******Now before anyone forgets, this is the 'evil process of haremization'.**

**The process runs from the Chase, to the Marriage. Chase and Marriage, simple as that.  
**

**This is the order of who went through the Chase and for how long.**

1. Ranma, Tenchi, Link, Keitaro(years of the Chase and initial acolytes of HPS)

2. Shinji, Naruto, Sasuke, Vash (weeks of the Chase)

3. Lelouch (one week's worth of time for the Chase)

4. Harry (one month and three weeks of the Chase)


	11. Where Stories Come From

**AN: I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**

**(Story)**

It was with no small air about his diminutive frame that a little child dawdled towards his bedroom. He was an important figure amongst some of the highest circles and communities. He could not be brandished a heretic in a court of his own creation; that was heresy!

The small child had trouble taking steps, but who could say whether that was because of his small frame or his mental aptitude always sequestered away in some imaginary world. It remained, more or less, that the small child was distant, cold, and a little nonreactive to the world around him.

As the child turned the corner and walked into the computer room of the home, it was with a heavy heart that he noticed that the power truly was out. How would he control the world if he could not give orders to his minions or screw with people's lives?

Sighing in disdain, the child turned away and continued on to his play room. Perhaps he'd find some more GI Joes who could be melted in the ant invasion of lunchtime!

Another day passed and the child looked up to see that the computer was currently occupied. How was he to control the world or destroy people's lives if he could not access them?

Sighing, the little boy continued on his way down the hall towards his playroom. Perhaps if he waited till dinner the computer would be free.

Throughout the week the little boy could not find time to steal the computer away from his relatives and friends, his neighbors and even pets! How was a master of entire communities supposed to destroy the world? Huffing in anxiety, the boy threw a temper tantrum and became grounded from the computer for a month. It just wasn't fair.

At the end of the month, what did the little boy care of computers? He'd played outside, read some books, did his stupid kindergarten homework. Heck, he'd even learned a few words he wasn't supposed to when Dah had to fix the water heater in the basement. You weren't supposed to hear him, but the registers carried his words all over the house. Mah made him play outside when she recognized what the sound was.

It was a shame he was grounded another month after enacting his favorite parts from Dah's tirade.

Harry Potter looked around wondering why the hell the HPS sought safety in his royal court. He liked to say _his_ when frankly he wasn't even in the central throne.

Still, he had to wonder why these freaks congregated to him. It was bad enough having a harem the size of a veritable army. It was worse having people seek his help because they _wanted_ to.

And then when Luna asks them what is the matter with them, what do they say?

"Ultimagu hasn't attacked in weeks! Save us from his evil plans!"

Seriously? They thought that just because some evil guy hadn't come in to ruin their lives for the past couple of months that some evil plan must be a-cooking up a storm, or...whatever. Who cares?

They even asked how he could be so callous as to the well-being of others.

'Cause I'm Harry Potter mate. Voldemort was cut into eight different pieces jettisoned out into space while his four remaining horcruxes had been captured by Luna's agents and then also jettisoned towards the sun. So his technically alive head was somewhere around Alpha Centauri about now. But again, who care?

A little boy felt the need to cause mayhem. You may think you know his name, but you're wrong. He goes by many names. Sometimes he dresses as a girl and prances around with a girly voice saying, "nyaa!"

That little boy/girl is every fanfi-...

I believe we just broke the fourth wall. ...let's try that again...

It was with no small air about his diminutive frame that a little child dawdled towards his bedroom. He was an important figure amongst some of the highest circles and communities. He could not be brandished a heretic in a court of his own creation; that was heresy!

The small child had trouble taking steps, but who could say whether that was because of his small frame or his mental aptitude always sequestered away in some imaginary world. It remained, more or less, that the small child was distant, cold, and a little nonreactive to the world around him.

As the child turned the corner and walked into the computer room of the home, it was with great delight he saw his father passed out on the floor with the obvious signs of the dog having urinated on him. Yeah, fudge that guy!

Making his way on top of the swivels chair and began to sign in to his favorite website. It has no name, but this symbolically pan-representative sexually ambiguous child is the source of our way of life today.

"And that's where harems come from: little snot-nosed children with no time on their hands, poor time to devote to anything outside of masturbation, and nothing but stones for brains."

Silence.

"Grandpa, I just asked where the bathroom was..."

"What? Oh, well you see...If there was one thing one Mr. Harry Potter did not like, it was the rough feeling of Voldemort spreading his...zzzzzzz"

"Oh thank God. I don't think I could have handled Dah going on with that story. What about you honey?"

"...Oh, what? I was busy listening to your father."

"..."

**(Story)**

**AN: December 10th, 2011: I finished this story just in time to feel the abject misery of knowing my son is older than one year now. Huzzah! I'm figuring you have questions. Let me be frank, I love this ending. This ending has 'crack' written all over it. For once, I don't care if you review because I'm happy with the product you just read, and you must be too if you read 11 chapters of it. I'll have the 'END' chapter posted soon and then _Haremization_ will officially be complete.**

**Before anyone asks, I'm not doing a Yaoi-ization story. I'll leave that to the fangirls.**


	12. END

**AN: I do not own any part of the Harry Potter universe except the crazy ideas I may write about for your viewing pleasure.**

**AN: December 10th, 2011: Alright guys, this is what I call the 'END' chapter. Any reviews you post from now on will be commented on here to avoid filling the story with unnecessary bulk. Have you ever read a story where the first 2,000 words are nothing but comments on reviews? Well I have, and it's annoying. So this is where the comments will now go.**

**I loved making _Haremization_, and it will continue to be a cornerstone of my fandom empire. I doubt anyone will particularly care, but hey! Who cares?**

**If you guys are interested, I have a ton of other stories I'm currently making edits (the first six chapters from _Haremization_ were edits and the rest was new material after a year hiatus) and adding new material to. Those stories include _Tails Combined_, _A Tale of History_, _After Mogul_. I'm doing a lot of work on the side too, such as life. ...Yeah, mostly life.**

**Anyway, thanks for reading!**

**Review Commentaries:**

**(None at the moment)**


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